insomnia

my brain is all crazy. i am rhyming without trying. this terrible lack of sleep is causing my brain to loose its form. to melt down into a puddle in my head. everything is blurry and whirling together and apart and together and apart.
i wish i could find the energy to harness this delirium. to turn it into something creative. words or images. the barriers are more pliable. their rigidity melting away as quickly as the hours of the night. i lay down in bed and all of a sudden five hours have gone by. all of a sudden it is after three in the morning. didn't i just get home at 6:30?
my body is a tub of water. like a long rectangular tupperware that is just too big to not spill when you walk with it. the water cresting back and forth over opposite lips. slosh. slosh. slosh.
i could melt into my bed. slowly sinking into it and letting the fabric of my sheets and blanket absorb me. my face becoming one with my pillow. and then gone.
i need to sleep. reset my body and mind. then maybe i can rediscover my motivation.
the shower is so far. such a process. my eyes go out of focus as i stare at the keyboard.

i have to take my boots off.
i have to put on pj's.
i have to go to the shower trailer.
i have to go to bed early.

i have to.