just don't tell my mom, okay?

things have settled here and we have a good routine going. work, homework, tent, doodle, insanity, repeat.
wednesday we went to the other base that is a bit bigger for a combat medic symposium (fancy, i know). it was a good way to network and to find out about all the training they have available here in country so we can keep our EMT licenses up to date, etc.

it may have been the clips of Restrepo that they showed, or just being back in the grove of things, but i really do enjoy being a medic. then i started thinking about the 169th and how they are headed to Afghanistan in august/september and that maybe, just maybe, i should try and go with them.
inspired by my army profession, i talk to my first sergeant about it and had a friend email the new commander of my unit. for a few days i was getting myself okay with the idea of going.
it would be nine more months, in Afghanistan. the mission was FOB(forward operating base) security and they were going to be traveling by helicopter. not a bad mission at all. i messaged some of the guys and told them i was going to try and join...

then we heard back from the commander. they are full on medics! when did this happen!? not that i wanted to spend another nine months away, but i was already kind of used to the idea. i feel a bit guilty that i chose this deployment over that one and that i won't be there with my guys. raggle.raggle.raggle.

now i am readjusting to the idea of being back this fall and all my plans that i have started to line up for myself. i have a lot to do, conquering the world and all...

i am super excited to get on skates. i'm hoping that we can start doing rollerdurance regularly in a couple weeks once the other girl's skates come in.

there really isn't much else going on that is worth writing about...
time to go back to my space tent and doodle.
muppet movie again tonight with sturdahl and maybe giblin!

space wolf out.

i need to watch this everyday.

this. this. this. this.

live a life of meaning.

need someone.

create community.

joint creativity and gifts create intimacy and connection.

i love you.

more for you is more for me too.

your happiness is my happiness.

your pain is my pain.

anything but homework

i love eating with my hands. there is a connection to our food that is lost when we sterilize it with utensils and white porcelain plates.

i'm trying to remember a lot of things that i have forgotten.

i remember eating ribs at winner's all the time. i don't think any ribs i have had or will have can stand up to the memories i have of those ribs. they were magical. as a lot of things in your childhood are.


i remembered this past summer about how much i used to climb trees. my bedroom had the door to the backyard and i would be outside all the time with bully (my rottweiler). there was this perfect tree for sitting in. i could lean back and prop my feet up just a bit. sometimes it was a cockpit in some kind of awesome transformers type animal. (maybe now it was voltron that inspired this as well. who knew!?)

i remember when i bit my cousin in kindergarten because i thought i was one of the robotic lions from voltron (i just googled to figure out what it was from. i honestly didn't know. i just knew i was vicious.)

holy crap.

i remember in 5th grade performing in the talent show as chef brooke. it was a comedic routine. i remember making a mess of the set, kelly donnigan and it being loosely inspired by the chef from the muppets. where the hell did i get a chef hat from?

i remember quantum leap. yessss. <3

i remember i used to love little baubles and magical looking rocks, just like a crow. i would keep them in a little cash box that had a key.

such little things had such magical powers.

i had a ton of knock off matchbox cars. they all had names and personalities. there were great car battles waged in my living room.

bronty! the brontosaurus. a maybe three foot tall, stuffed, magenta dinosaur that i would sit on and jump up and down the hallway on.

my playroom in the basement! i had the whole teenage mutant ninja turtles collection! i was so mad when i got the rapheal costume and it had swords instead of sia.

instead of a barbie jeep i had a tank of some sort. it was grey and had six wheels and a joystick in the middle. that thing was awesome...

i remember being able to do some trick, like when you press your arms against a door jam and they raise up on their own, that made it feel like i was flying.

hideouts were the most amazing places ever. the ivy and stuff that grew over the chain link fence around the parking lot of the church on the corner made a perfecting hiding place. i could hide my bike and sit in there. i think maybe i doodled or read books.

i went there once with my backpack and some old man on my street stopped me to ask if i was running away. i felt terribly uncomfortable that he would assume that...

i remember when bully dragged me across the street, running to see another dog.

i remember hitting my cousin's bike's back tire with the front tire of my bike and flipping over my handle bars.

i had a bean bag chair that i LOVED!


there is so much. years and years and years.
i'm going to work on remembering and write it all down.

The Insanity has Begun

finally worked out. went last night to Insanity...
they told me it was the reset day. the day that they do the stretching and such. i thought this would be a nice reintroduction to working out. well they were wrong. it was cardio madness. or cardio death....plus abs. holy crap. but i feel good. i love it. i am sore but in different muscles! from jumping and high knees and butt kicks. all the things i need to do. i am going to bring my jump rope to work too. that way every time i get bored i can go outside and jump rope for about 5 minutes. woooooooooo!
plus all the bike riding.  (i named my bike "havoc's hot mess" as that is how i refer to myself most of the time.)

besides that we went a little crazy today in the office:

this really is a great way to end my army career. i'm getting things done (like a boss) and having fun. getting in shape and learning me some edumacations. springboard into awesomeness!!!!!!!

hanging out at the starbucks now. listening to the most awesome version of dracula's lament. <3 ordered my stuff from bruised boutique and helped another one of the girls here order hers. i can't wait to add skating to my weekly routine. i also splurged and got a mocha frappuccino and a cheese croissant. mmmmmmmmmm.

i ordered a how to play the ukulele book and it came in today. i am still waiting for the tough boxes (which has my ukulele in it) to get here. i am pretty excited about the challenge of learning how to play. i am taking a music foundations course this semester too, so hopefully that will help. it's been eons since i've read music.

i have to stop ordering stuff online but i can't help it...
i also may take next semester off and concentrate on drawing, my children's books (there are a few now...brewing in my head) and the uke.

that's about it.
oh, and skate and party hard PRD!!!

edumacation!

so i have no motivation to do my homework today.

if i really buckled down and did it i could be done in a few hours, i know it.

i just keep distracting myself with facebook, google, wikipedia and visiting other people in their offices.

arg.

i loooooooooooove my bike. i am already more motivated to go places. like the gym and chow and just for joy rides. the idea of having to walk to the gym, workout and then walk back was just too much. now that i have a bike i am starting Insanity tonight. i am pretty excited, although i know it is going to kick my butt six days a week. 

jamming out to a perfect circle makes me happy too. oh maynard... <3

not much else going on. trying to streamline my medical section with outlining our responsibilities as far as the weight control program and supply ordering. so far we are making progress.

hopefully we will have the official leave dates by the end of the day. i really hope i'm going to be able to make it to ECDX. i've never been because i've always had to work the airshow. terrible...i know. it would be a whirlwind of a visit but i could start in michigan, drive to philly, hitch a ride back to rhode island spend my last few days partying it up and maybe even a PRD practice or two!

and last but not least: scruffy update!!!!

scruffy got all his shots, fixed and will be heading to live with captain awesome's dad in michigan on sunday!

i can't believe how quickly we were able to make this happen and cannot thank you enough for your donations to help cover the expenses!!!! we can't save them all but at least we saved him. hopefully i'll be able to visit and post some pictures when i'm home on leave.

okay. seriously. i have to do homework. i shall willlllllllllll myself. i have the POWER! shifting my brain into homework mode...in 3...2...1...GO!

derby. derby. derby.

so this happened today:

i had mentioned in a previous  post about wanting a team usa poster. i was thinking one with the logo on it, to hang in my office for inspiration. a friend of mine from high school, alassin sane, who now skates for the atlanta roller girls emailed me that she was contacting someone she knew on the team usa marketing team.

i thought this was awesome of her and said so. little did i know that when my mail arrived today it wouldn't be just the team logo but a team usa poster signed by team usa!!!!! i am so filled with joy over this. i ordered a frame today for it and can't wait to show it to every person that comes in for an advil.

again, thank you alassin sane and team usa. this is inspiration multiplied by every player on that poster. i can't wait to get back on skates with providence roller derby!

as if that wasn't enough, i was gifted some beautiful art from chelsea lovebeamz and spent the morning chatting with my steady love about portland.

i love derby.

i love arts.

i love my friends.

today was a good day.

haunted

i think i have been too much in my head in the past few days. it's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is somewhat uncomfortable. i haven't had this much time for such introspection, reflection and nostalgia, well, since my last deployment. removing yourself from your life certainly gives you a unique opportunity to evaluate everything you've done and who you are, who is in your life and who isn't.

i don't think it's necessarily regret, but just a "man, i wish i could see what it'd be like if i would've done ___________ instead."
sometimes i wish i had moved back to michigan when my time was up in connecticut. i wonder what would've happened if everything had gone according to plan in maine. i don't think there's anything wrong with looking back and trying to look at what happened and learn from everything that did.
maybe i'm thinking so much because there's another fork in the road coming up (faster than you'd think...) and i need to choose again. i love providence. roller derby really did save my soul. i have amazing network of friends that i am beyond grateful for. it is familiar and it has become home. dammit providence!

my movement has certainly slowed in the past couple years. i haven't lived any place more than a year in the past seven until the warwick house. it's getting harder and harder to uproot when all i want is what i have. huh...fancy that.
once more. i want to head west. the wide open spaces, the derby, the steady love. i believe portland will agree with me. i'm just wondering how soon after i'm back that i'll be gone...

"insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." i used to hate this quote because it applied so perfectly to me. i am tired of being insane! i know that changing where i live isn't going to change me but i am already changing me. reroute the wires in my brain so they aren't all messed up anymore. different outlook, different responses, different reactions.
2012, you rock so far and i'm just happy i have this chance.

ughhh. i can't keep up with my brain. i suppose i should focus it on school work while it's whirring like this...
and hey, don't forget. you're awesome and can do anything. 'cause i can too.

Save Scruffy!!!

Captain Awesome is going to adopt him, but we need your help to get him home!!!
[ we got scruffy home. <3 ]
any amount will help! we have a limited time to make this happen!!!

afternoon musings

sometimes when i eat with classical music on i feel like hannibal lector. maybe i'm cutting some human flesh into bite sized pieces.

i did a happy dance today because all my textbooks for school came in and my music montages from rhoda!!!

i also got the annotated sandman. it is so beautiful. i want to read right now.

i'm schooling and doodling so much i haven't been reading at all! my poor kindle is so neglected.

i think i may buy a wacom cintiq when i get home. soooo fancy.

i am going to see the new muppet movie tonight!!!

i just ate and am now in a food coma. i don't want to do anymore school work right now. maybe i'll doodle.

i'm doing a semester long research paper on Women's Flat Track Roller Derby.

i ordered a bike yesterday because the PX was out. i'm hoping i get a fancy one that's different from everyone elses.

i need to restock my candy stores. i am eating my last now and later right now.

i just went for a bike ride and it was amazing.

i got a mouth guard for when i grind my teeth! hoooray!

i've been listening to mozart all afternoon.

time to finish some school work and then i'm done for the day.



it's a really tough deployment. baskin and robins wasn't open today.