the ease of army life

i want to get out of the army. i do...(there's a plethora of reasons why.)

but being on a deployment, even our two weeks of annual training sometimes, make me doubt myself. life is so much simpler when you don't have to worry about anything. giving up control of everything makes it all so easy. i have some things to worry about. sure, there are things like making my storage unit payments but really, it's just too easy.

you wake up. you go to a chow hall. you go to work. you do what you need to get done. you go home.

obviously that can be similar to a life not with the military but there are no other options. nothing else to pull you away from time to yourself, or school or the gym. your options are so limited it makes choosing a breeze.

one of these things is not like the other.

i could see myself staying in. i would put in my packet to become an officer for sure though. i may could even change states. i could join the reserves instead of the guard and go on active duty orders for the next however many years and teach the BCT3 training that i went to in Colorado. They don't just teach it there. the teams are stationed in San Antonio but travel every two weeks all over the world. i do like the world of medicine. i think the body is a fantastic, fascinating machine. really, it's just my bedside manner that needs work because over all i don't really like dealing with people...but...

i could see myself doing this and it's that choice that stresses me out. the army has become my safety net of sorts. i can always go on another deployment. i probably know someone that can get me a job, even if it's only for six months. i have a monthly paycheck, no much but it does supplement what you have.

i have a year or so to make a decision. i can always join back up. i don't know if this is someone i want to continue to be. i have so many other things i want to do and the army is limiting my opportunity to do them.

Brooke, SPC Barnes, Havoc...i'm not sure that they can all coexist. uggghhhhh...................

i'm sitting in my office now (yes, we have a little itty bitty medic office. but i have my own desk!) listening to the helicopters on the flight line. we went to another base today that we take our pilots to have flight physicals done. it was pretty neat. i am still here at 6:30 at night, doing homework because i know if i go back to the tent i'm going to shower and be asleep by 7:30. we are still in transition with the unit we are replacing. the medics that are showing us everything are pretty cool.

decisions, decisions. i have time and it really is the only thing i have to worry about. this year is the year for bravery though and i'm pretty sure i'm ready to let go and start a life that i love. let go of the way things have been and embrace whatever will be.

back to homework... 

and from my most favorite of books:

be brave fitz.