i have neglected my scientific pursuits for too long. i remember when i came back from iraq and was finally back in school, using my brain academically for the first time in years. i was taking courses that came naturally. english, history, major british writers, philosophy, psychology. i took it upon myself, with the help of the future skulls (a small group of friends from michigan...or more like just me and my best friend, elise) to delve into subjects that i found to be mind-blowing.
quantum physics is by far the most confusing and intriguing and challenging subject that i have tried to tackle on my own. it all started with the double slit experiment.
i think my quest for understanding existential questions led to my somewhat philosophical interest in science. if we can understand what we're made of and how particles behave, maybe we can understand where we came from and where we are headed. our perception of this reality is constantly under scrutiny as is the concept of time.
(Cosmic Banditos )
i have started reading about it all over again. the eurpoean organization for nuclear research have been testing experimenting with neutrinos, a type of particle and found that they were traveling 17-millionth of a second faster than the speed of light! if they can really do that then Einstein's relativity theory could break down and time could flow in reverse! and effect could precede its cause! ahhhhhh!!! it could be happening right now!
they are trying to explain this away. to keep intact everything we think we know about the universe. it seems that the more we try to understand the building blocks of the universe, the more chaotic it behaves.
oh, chaos.
biology is amazing! evolution, dna, stem cells, holy shit! the mind-body connection is quickly becoming something i want to learn more about. everyone knows yoga can be good for you, but why?
i read an article about brain education in germany. the have a 90 min class where they focus on a combination of breathing, and relaxation techniques, yoga, stretching, tai chi, visualization and meditation. brain education has been proven to be effective in bringing noticeable improvement in children's learning ability and handling of stress-plus increased confidence and feelings of fellowship. how awesome is that.
another idea i have discussed but have yet to look into is that widespread cases of depression, anxiety, add/adhd, etc. that has crippled modern man. our dependence on technology and how quickly we have stopped using our bodies has created a psychological and physiological imbalance. we have evolved mentally more quickly than our bodies can. our lack of movement, as in walking for hours per day after food sources or harvesting in fields and fresh air, causes us to not produce sufficient amounts of chemicals necessary to regulate our emotions and overall mental and physical health.
i had a book about this once and cannot for the life of me remember the title...
there is so much to learn. so much to know. i need to make time for it all!
let me also say i am on a vonnegut kick and how i love that man.
i have to download "On the Fluctuations Between Good and Evil in Simple Tales". it seems to be something i would enjoy as well. i have downloaded a ton of fairy tale and folklore books that they have for free on my kindle. i find the art of story telling to be a dying art and it makes me so sad. i want to explore it, preserve it, understand it. from the beginning of human communication, oral histories were the main method of preserving knowledge and developed an aura of magic about them. something that has been lost and forgotten.
i need to stop for now or i never will!
more research, reading and maybe i'll even take notes so i can retain some of this information. i need to exercise my memory back into shape.
but first! doodle time!!!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
time traveling and other adventures
we left texas at 9pm.
we arrived in germany at 1pm, after a 9 hour flight.
then we arrived in kuwait at 1am, after a 5 hour flight.
i feel as baffled as that sounds...
as we were bused in and then released after a blur of briefings, the familiar sights of camp buering started bringing back memories of when we came through in 2007.
walk towards the water tower to go towards the PX. the stage is where there is a green beans coffee, taco bell and baskin and robins is (yes, i already had a double scoop of rainbow sherbet.) the chow halls have changed and i haven't made the walk to the other common area that has KFC, a beauty salon where you can get massages and a starbucks...but believe you me, i will.
we went to breakfast and then walked a little ways, past the gym which offers spin classes, kempo and a variety of other classes. then to the PX to purchase a wireless card! i looooooove having internet so easily accessible again.
it is just now lunch time and i am exhausted. i barley had the energy to shower but successfully cleaned myself and am now seriously considering skipping lunch and taking an afternoon nap.
i have a few ideas to write about soon once my brain is working more better.
like how i am glad i joined the army. i have had experiences like no other. where else can you see a sign warning you about overhead artillery on a road that you travel to and from about once a week.
how freaking excited i am to get back and all my plans!!!
there were some other things but my eyes are fuzzy and i have heartburn.
i think it's nap time.
it is noon here. it is 4 am where you are (and so that means 2am for bella?)
gooooooooodnight.
we arrived in germany at 1pm, after a 9 hour flight.
then we arrived in kuwait at 1am, after a 5 hour flight.
i feel as baffled as that sounds...
 |
| i may live on the moon... |
walk towards the water tower to go towards the PX. the stage is where there is a green beans coffee, taco bell and baskin and robins is (yes, i already had a double scoop of rainbow sherbet.) the chow halls have changed and i haven't made the walk to the other common area that has KFC, a beauty salon where you can get massages and a starbucks...but believe you me, i will.
we went to breakfast and then walked a little ways, past the gym which offers spin classes, kempo and a variety of other classes. then to the PX to purchase a wireless card! i looooooove having internet so easily accessible again.
it is just now lunch time and i am exhausted. i barley had the energy to shower but successfully cleaned myself and am now seriously considering skipping lunch and taking an afternoon nap.
 |
| home sweet home |
like how i am glad i joined the army. i have had experiences like no other. where else can you see a sign warning you about overhead artillery on a road that you travel to and from about once a week.
how freaking excited i am to get back and all my plans!!!
there were some other things but my eyes are fuzzy and i have heartburn.
i think it's nap time.
it is noon here. it is 4 am where you are (and so that means 2am for bella?)
gooooooooodnight.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
what is today?
it seems to be the question everyone is asking. the training days are over and now we are starting to pack up and get ready to travel over to kuwait. as i have said on facebook, i am so over texas. i have been here too many times with the military for me to associate this place with positivity and even though the time will drag just as badly in kuwait as it does here, i can't wait to get gone.
the medics, all three of us, have started taking shifts driving around a shuttle van. we transport people from the flight line back to the barracks, to the chow hall, wherever they want to go. it helps make the time pass and we did have a few beautiful days. driving with the windows down, the sun shining and led zeppelin blaring...oh how i love driving. i can't wait for my cross-country adventure!
 |
| ready to go when you are... |
i am trying to become more strict with my workouts and with my calorie intake. i eat pretty healthy anyways but am going to try to discipline myself so i see results faster and then it will just be maintaining. i am hoping this will make keeping up with it when i come home easier. i love working out. i love the rush of endorphins that i get after pushing my body to its limit. i love feeling the strength i possess and want to sculpt and make my body a derby machine. richie also sent me some links to some awesome speed skating workouts and i have found out that captain awesome (she is a medivac pilot from michigan) used to be a personal trainer. i am going to have her help me work in these strange and scary workouts into my routine.
in these workouts i have been doing the P90X yoga and i love it. i am really hoping they have classes over in kuwait. rumor has it they have spin classes, so why not yoga too?! if not i will for sure continue the P90X one and maybe look into other classes. i have some books to read on it and of course am always looking for articles, advice and personal experience from you all!
aaaaaaaannnnnnnnd!!!! i have my address!
SPC Barnes, Brooke
1/126th AVN Task Force Liberty
APO AE 09330
please do not send booze of any kind or porn (maul...) and only penis shaped cookies if you must (maul...)and even though i am simply havoc to most of you, please make sure you put my military name on the mail so it actually gets to me. not that they won't know who i am within days of me being there...
uhhh...do you know who i am?
 |
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
tick. tock. tick. tock
Time is a silly thing. It passes so quickly but sometimes, like now, feels like it takes forever.
We’ve been at fort hood for just over a month and with the way the days blur into one another it feels like the deployment is almost over.
We were given a four day pass for Christmas. I flew home to Detroit, Michigan and had a wonderful visit with my family and friends. Of course my priority was seeing and mushing the living shit out of the wub, which I did as often as I could.
Claudio mailed me my roller skates and amazingly enough; great skate was open on Christmas! Elise and I went from around 7-10 and skated our little hearts out.
It felt great to be back on wheels but only made the itch for some contact that much worse. The guys in this unit aren't as big, nor do they know me well enough to tolerate the random hip checks and tootsie bops that I used to demand over drills. Boo.
The time in Michigan was too short and soon enough I was back on a plane to Texas. Since then there hasn't been much to do. The aviators are doing their final preparations and flying all the time. I was tasked out to sit on a range that they were flying and shooting and was able to take full advantage of my Christmas present to myself: my kindle fire!
This is the most amazing device ever!!! Now I love books. Real books made of paper and that fill up spaces everywhere in your house. I have a bit of an addiction even and dream of the day that maybe, just maybe I can have an in-home library. (with leather-backed chairs and fire place and a little gentleman's bar. maybe even a bear skin rug!) I have downloaded several books but the best thing is the selection of free classics. From myths and legends from around the world, to children's fairy tales and existentialism.
In the seven days since being back I have read four books. My brain feels fantastic.
fragile things - neil gaiman
american gods - neil gaiman
awol on the appalachian trail - david miller
slaughter house five - kurt vonnegut
I have so many more to go and have to be careful every time I connect to the internet that I don't buy more. Next up is: southbound- a book about two sisters that hiked the Appalachian trail barefoot, from Maine to Georgia. They have a sequel that is about how they turned around and hiked it again.
Robin hobb, one of my favorite fantasy authors also has a new trilogy out pertaining to the world of my favorite of hers. I may take a break from the AT and read that instead.
I would love any book suggestions!!! (and music and other reading material and work out routines and and and!)
I have finally resumed my work out routine as well. Something that proved difficult after coming back from beer and relaxing in a hot tub and going out to eat.
I have my roller skates and am super excited to get to Kuwait so I can see what kind of surface I have to skate on, get the right wheels and get rolling.
We have been told that with the draw down in Iraq that we will only be having a 9 month deployment with no two week leave. There go my Thailand plans. We still won't be back until october-ish but this will let me make arrangements for Thailand for the Yi Peng festival in November.
eastern regionals would be great and I am damn sure going to nationals and the world cup wherever it may be.
We should be getting our mailing address soon for Kuwait and I don't think I will want for anything over there. the PX(post exchange) is the size of a CVS/small walmart and probably has everything I could want and don't need. I would instead love hand-written letters, and pictures of you to keep in a scrapbook. Updates on your pets, lives and maybe a stuffed animal. I have a stuffed wub that I brought with me when I went to Iraq, but you can never have too many...
In the end:
2012, I willingly give you up as a sacrifice, to allow me to springboard into a life that is more on course with what will make me happy. To allow me to travel, better myself and make habits that will let me stay healthy, happy and get what I need.
We’ve been at fort hood for just over a month and with the way the days blur into one another it feels like the deployment is almost over.
We were given a four day pass for Christmas. I flew home to Detroit, Michigan and had a wonderful visit with my family and friends. Of course my priority was seeing and mushing the living shit out of the wub, which I did as often as I could.
 |
| so much to mush! |
 |
| so happy after skating!!! |
It felt great to be back on wheels but only made the itch for some contact that much worse. The guys in this unit aren't as big, nor do they know me well enough to tolerate the random hip checks and tootsie bops that I used to demand over drills. Boo.
The time in Michigan was too short and soon enough I was back on a plane to Texas. Since then there hasn't been much to do. The aviators are doing their final preparations and flying all the time. I was tasked out to sit on a range that they were flying and shooting and was able to take full advantage of my Christmas present to myself: my kindle fire!
This is the most amazing device ever!!! Now I love books. Real books made of paper and that fill up spaces everywhere in your house. I have a bit of an addiction even and dream of the day that maybe, just maybe I can have an in-home library. (with leather-backed chairs and fire place and a little gentleman's bar. maybe even a bear skin rug!) I have downloaded several books but the best thing is the selection of free classics. From myths and legends from around the world, to children's fairy tales and existentialism.
In the seven days since being back I have read four books. My brain feels fantastic.
fragile things - neil gaiman
american gods - neil gaiman
awol on the appalachian trail - david miller
slaughter house five - kurt vonnegut
I have so many more to go and have to be careful every time I connect to the internet that I don't buy more. Next up is: southbound- a book about two sisters that hiked the Appalachian trail barefoot, from Maine to Georgia. They have a sequel that is about how they turned around and hiked it again.
Robin hobb, one of my favorite fantasy authors also has a new trilogy out pertaining to the world of my favorite of hers. I may take a break from the AT and read that instead.
I would love any book suggestions!!! (and music and other reading material and work out routines and and and!)
I have finally resumed my work out routine as well. Something that proved difficult after coming back from beer and relaxing in a hot tub and going out to eat.
I have my roller skates and am super excited to get to Kuwait so I can see what kind of surface I have to skate on, get the right wheels and get rolling.
We have been told that with the draw down in Iraq that we will only be having a 9 month deployment with no two week leave. There go my Thailand plans. We still won't be back until october-ish but this will let me make arrangements for Thailand for the Yi Peng festival in November.
eastern regionals would be great and I am damn sure going to nationals and the world cup wherever it may be.
We should be getting our mailing address soon for Kuwait and I don't think I will want for anything over there. the PX(post exchange) is the size of a CVS/small walmart and probably has everything I could want and don't need. I would instead love hand-written letters, and pictures of you to keep in a scrapbook. Updates on your pets, lives and maybe a stuffed animal. I have a stuffed wub that I brought with me when I went to Iraq, but you can never have too many...
In the end:
2012, I willingly give you up as a sacrifice, to allow me to springboard into a life that is more on course with what will make me happy. To allow me to travel, better myself and make habits that will let me stay healthy, happy and get what I need.
Monday, December 12, 2011
chatter, chatter, chatter.
living in barracks is disgusting. right now there about 30 women living together in a barracks. luckily, that's not that many, really. but sharing a three stall bathroom, about eight stand up showers and having no private time it gets old, quick. i've only been back two days and already i wish i never had to take my headphones off or that i didn't have to put lotion on after a shower in a bathroom stall. (also, let me mention that they all have oozing small pox vaccine scabs on their arms, something i've been lucky enough to not have to endure.)
listening to women cry on the phone because this is their first deployment, complain about the incompetent leadership (yes...it's true. i'm not in charge.) and be completely oblivious that there are people sleeping due to a 24-hour guard duty shift is beyond annoying.
maybe it's because I've done this before, i don't know. i do know that i am more considerate than most people are. paying attention to my surroundings and trying to make sure that everything i do had minimal impact to the people that are forced to live around me. let's just say Kuwait can't come soon enough. hopefully i'll be in no more than a four-man trailer. this is one of those times i mentioned where you simply say "embrace the suck", because it's going to be over before you know it.
moving on.
my leave plans have started to form! going to Thailand for two weeks in June with Bella hopefully! i have also started researching a travel program called space-a, where a service member can hop on a military flight if there are extra seats, for FREE. i can fly to any active duty base in the world if my schedule is flexible enough to be available when the seat is. usually this happens in a reasonable window and when i get back and settled i think there is a definite world trip in my future. some of the countries i can fly to for FREE include:
Japan
Australia
New Zealand
Guam
Germany
Spain
Italy
and
Alaska!!!
as i have said before, the future is very exciting and i can't wait to get there.
P90X yoga kicked my butt last night and i pulled something in my leg doing combatives today. resting up and back for cardio tomorrow, hopefully. christmas break is almost here and going home will be awesome. i'm glad i'll be able to see my family before i go and of course the Wub. <3
time for bed.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
The road has always led west...
so i left.
november flew by and i really can't say how i feel about it all. there were good things that blossomed out of leaving and some bad things that may never be resolved. i will never, ever take for granted the fantastic friends that have been there for me through thick and thin. roller derby has led me to find a new family outside my military one and although the east coast has been my home for the past seven years and i think i'm done.
colorado is amazing...we'll get to that.
so i left. i had a wonderful send off at hot club. (thank you to everyone that came out and for my fantastic cards made by rhoda and signed by everyone!) claudio drove me down to quonset <3. the plane ride was uneventful. i travel extremely well. i almost always fall asleep before take off, wake up just long enough to smile as i'm pressed back into my seat and watch the world fall away, and then out like a light.
we landed in texas and took an hour bus trip to north fort hood. unpacking and finding a lower bunk were the priorities the chow hall is decent (i love chow halls!), there is a gym and we got the first two days which are medical and administrative readiness over and done with right away.
it's very difficult to explain things that go on in the army. the processes and the mindsets..."hurry up and wait", "embrace the suck", etc, etc. standing in line with 200 other soldiers, going through 12 stations in two different buildings that takes two whole days just to get a check in the box is mind numbing. i have perfected the art of "sham ninja". somehow i slip in and out of situations getting what i need to get done without getting noticed, stopped or tasked out for extra duty. it is a skill i am extremely proud of. i finished all the stations by about 10am on the second day, enjoyed a long afternoon nap and started going to the gym.
then saturday, the four medics (who i don't know how to spell their names, except for martin...) including me took a flight from texas to fort carson, colorado for a combat medic training course. we are on day four of that tomorrow and i only wish i had gotten this training before i went to iraq, not kuwait...at least now though the army is actually preparing it's medics to deal with trauma and not waste time with EMT-Basic level skils.
i am in awe of the landscape. we lucked out with our hotel (resort). i have had the most fantastic food i've ever eaten at every restaurant i've been to here and delicious, delicious beer.
i am gaining back lost perspective and can't even explain how excited i am for the future. for all the possiblities and everything that i am going to do.
it's like a dead weight has been cut off and now my heart is flying free.
we will be going back to texas this upcoming saturday and back to the barracks and the ---
there was an interruption of room service delivering my bacon wrapped scallops and salad. and maybe an "i'm an adult, staying in a hotel, all by myself, answer the door in hotel furnished robe dance".---
i'm going to try and start writing more.
the next exciting thing: wub and michigan for xmas. <3!
november flew by and i really can't say how i feel about it all. there were good things that blossomed out of leaving and some bad things that may never be resolved. i will never, ever take for granted the fantastic friends that have been there for me through thick and thin. roller derby has led me to find a new family outside my military one and although the east coast has been my home for the past seven years and i think i'm done.
colorado is amazing...we'll get to that.
 |
| harpie and me! |
we landed in texas and took an hour bus trip to north fort hood. unpacking and finding a lower bunk were the priorities the chow hall is decent (i love chow halls!), there is a gym and we got the first two days which are medical and administrative readiness over and done with right away.
it's very difficult to explain things that go on in the army. the processes and the mindsets..."hurry up and wait", "embrace the suck", etc, etc. standing in line with 200 other soldiers, going through 12 stations in two different buildings that takes two whole days just to get a check in the box is mind numbing. i have perfected the art of "sham ninja". somehow i slip in and out of situations getting what i need to get done without getting noticed, stopped or tasked out for extra duty. it is a skill i am extremely proud of. i finished all the stations by about 10am on the second day, enjoyed a long afternoon nap and started going to the gym.
then saturday, the four medics (who i don't know how to spell their names, except for martin...) including me took a flight from texas to fort carson, colorado for a combat medic training course. we are on day four of that tomorrow and i only wish i had gotten this training before i went to iraq, not kuwait...at least now though the army is actually preparing it's medics to deal with trauma and not waste time with EMT-Basic level skils.
i am in awe of the landscape. we lucked out with our hotel (resort). i have had the most fantastic food i've ever eaten at every restaurant i've been to here and delicious, delicious beer.
i am gaining back lost perspective and can't even explain how excited i am for the future. for all the possiblities and everything that i am going to do.
it's like a dead weight has been cut off and now my heart is flying free.
 |
| http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html |
we will be going back to texas this upcoming saturday and back to the barracks and the ---
there was an interruption of room service delivering my bacon wrapped scallops and salad. and maybe an "i'm an adult, staying in a hotel, all by myself, answer the door in hotel furnished robe dance".---
i'm going to try and start writing more.
the next exciting thing: wub and michigan for xmas. <3!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
one, two, go.
two days left. this time has flown by...
this whole summer seemed to be a whirlwind of good times with great friends. maybe it's the leaving that makes it go by so fast. the no bummer summer ended far too quickly for me.
now it's my turn and honestly it couldn't come soon enough.
i am so excited to get this chance to change. to be out of my environment, to gain the perspective you lose after being immersed in your life for so long. so many big things are happening and will be happening. this next year is full of hope!
GOALS that WILL be accomplished:
1. no drinking. no smoking. eating right.
2. work out to the point of being a derby monster when i come back. (hellooooo apolo ohno workout routine.)
3. get an edumacation! i'm already registered for online courses and am super duper excited to start using my brain again.
4. READ! WRITE! DRAW! i am going to be so selfish with my time. i like to have fun as much as the next guy, no doubt there, but i miss having filled sketch books and story times.
5. learn to play the ukulele. it's already on it's way over to kuwait. i think my lack dexterity is going to be the major issue.
6. go to Thailand on my two week leave. i want to see the world and i'm going to start making that happen.
a lot is going to change while i am gone. i am going to change while i am gone. the changing won't stop once i'm back either...
picking up and starting over is getting harder and harder. it is getting to the point where i am going to want to have somewhere i can always go back to. of course one of those places is Michigan but i want a place to call my very own and i honestly don't think that place is going to be Rhode Island.
...i still have to pack my duffel bags for tomorrow.
one last thing because it is so important. remember the relief that you feel right now. this is better than anytime that was.
this whole summer seemed to be a whirlwind of good times with great friends. maybe it's the leaving that makes it go by so fast. the no bummer summer ended far too quickly for me.
 |
| freighbors |
now it's my turn and honestly it couldn't come soon enough.
i am so excited to get this chance to change. to be out of my environment, to gain the perspective you lose after being immersed in your life for so long. so many big things are happening and will be happening. this next year is full of hope!
GOALS that WILL be accomplished:
1. no drinking. no smoking. eating right.
2. work out to the point of being a derby monster when i come back. (hellooooo apolo ohno workout routine.)
3. get an edumacation! i'm already registered for online courses and am super duper excited to start using my brain again.
4. READ! WRITE! DRAW! i am going to be so selfish with my time. i like to have fun as much as the next guy, no doubt there, but i miss having filled sketch books and story times.
5. learn to play the ukulele. it's already on it's way over to kuwait. i think my lack dexterity is going to be the major issue.
6. go to Thailand on my two week leave. i want to see the world and i'm going to start making that happen.
a lot is going to change while i am gone. i am going to change while i am gone. the changing won't stop once i'm back either...
picking up and starting over is getting harder and harder. it is getting to the point where i am going to want to have somewhere i can always go back to. of course one of those places is Michigan but i want a place to call my very own and i honestly don't think that place is going to be Rhode Island.
...i still have to pack my duffel bags for tomorrow.
one last thing because it is so important. remember the relief that you feel right now. this is better than anytime that was.
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