that's generally how things go.
impulsive and indecisive.
portland. michigan. rhode island. f it all i'm moving to europe. rhode island. michigan. portland?
with this pending AGR job things are all jumbled. all my day dreams of nude beaches and bike rides, bella, rose city and the west coast are on hold because i may be stuck in rhode island.
i am telling myself this job is worth it and logically it is. i am going to be retired, with a full pension from the army by 45ish. i'll be making a pretty fair living and hopefully set myself up with some land, etc already paid off and ready for me for when i'm done.
what i am feeling is completely different though. i don't want to stay in rhode island. i love it, i do, in a way, but i am ready to move on. i don't want to stay in the army. this job is safe and it is making me feel a bit like a coward for not trying to do what i want and be free of it all.
maybe it is because i've been there too many times before to go back to a place where i have to start over from the bottom. i have struggled and i have made it to this place and there is never a guarantee that if i walk away from it that i will be able to get back.
ugh.
army stuff, army stuff. so i am only an E-4 which is an enlisted ranking system. i am also known as a specialist. i am the medical section's NCO(non-commissioned officer) which is an E-6 position (staff sergeant). i cannot even begin to explain the difficulties of trying to perform all the duties and deal with higher ranking personnel like an E-6 as an E-4. my skills are sharpening and i think if/when i get promoted that i'll be a damn good NCO. i don't think at this point i'd ever go officer...
blarg.
aaaaaaaand i have my first ukulele lesson tomorrow. one of the civilian contractors with D Co. has his uke here and is going to give me lessons! i am so excited!!!!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
gym time. i hope this dust storm clears.
more pictures.
more messages.
more doodles.
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