wolves have no kings.

so i didn't get the AGR job.
the rhode island army national guard (as well many other aspects of rhode island i hear...) is very much influenced by what is called "the good ol' boy" system. it is all about who you know that determines how far you'll go. without delving too deeply into it, as far as i know, i am overqualified for the position and significantly more qualified than the individual who it was given to.
this should have been the end of it. the possible diversion from my path westward was over, but nothing is ever that simple is it?
one of the senior NCO's here who helped me with my packet for the job wants me to wait, be patient and see about putting in for an AGR job that may be available in aviation when we get back. i keep yelling at him to stop believing in me and my potential as a leader, soldier, all that verbiage that they like to use to make favorable recommendations.

i am okay i think with either choice. there are pros and cons to each, as there are with every decision you can make in life. odds are i'll  probably end up choosing something complete different so why worry about it now...

there's more important things. like practicing my ukulele!

we've been pretty busy in the medic section. between flight physicals, consults, ranges and PT tests i haven't had a day off in a few weeks. i just want one day to sleep until noon (or later). my day out on the range was pretty good. i want to get a rifle when i get home and go shooting regularly. i do enjoy it.

what else, what else...


ROLLER DERBY'S TEAM USA PUT A LINK TO MY BLOG ON THEIR PAGE!!!1!!!!!

omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. -dies.-

i seriously almost died when i saw this. i couldn't believe that they not only saw my blog but they linked it on their paaaaaage?! that poster is now framed and hanging in my office. everyone that comes in sees it and i am educating the masses on modern roller derby. i cannot wait to get back on skates full-time. raaaaaaawrrr!!!

i got my nike plus kit in and it is awesome! it tracks my steps, distance, pace, etc. and if nothing else motivates me to go running. i have increased from two to three miles but wanted to start working on increasing my overall pace. i started doing 60/120's (sprint for 60 seconds and then walk briskly to recover your breath for 120 seconds, repeat.) for about a mile as well. then i really pushed it and took out the average pace run all together and would just sprint for as long as i could, recover and do it again. then, shin splints. i haaaaate shin splints. i used to get them at the beginning of soccer season every year. they'll eventually go away. i got arch supports for my shoes too, as i am flat footed and am hoping that will help some. i'm taking tonight and tomorrow off of running too. then it is back to business.

i have been doing a lot of remembering still and it has been awesome!!!!!!
there's this:

i LOVED this show

and this:

there are just too many! i am still finding more and remembering even more shows. oh cartoons...you're just not the same anymore. 

i'm just really into dinosaurs right now too. i don't know what triggered it. maybe finally making my appointment for my t-rex tattoo. i have always loved dinosaurs. like a lot. like a lot, a lot. i used to keep count of how many times i watched Jurassic park because i loved it so much. i think i got somewhere around 60-something once i had the vhs. and while i do love velociraptor, there is no dinosaur who could ever replace the t-rex as my all time favorite. i don't even like watching whichever horrible sequel to Jurassic park it was that spinosaurus kills the t-rex. 

dinosaurs....they're just so amazing.

thank you rhoda for posting this!

well i think it's movie time.

i have tomorrow off and am planning on sleeping in. then roller skating. then maybe me and lt salmon will go fly our kites!

more ukulele lessons tomorrow too.

1 month and 1 week no smoking. i even had an espresso on my 1 month to celebrate because i gave up coffee as well. it's a trigger for me for smoking. there is no more delicious combo than a coffee and a cigarette.

dooobeee dooobeee doooooo.

also, i love every single song by the white stripes and pretty much everything jack white has done.

hello, i love you.

that's generally how things go.

impulsive and indecisive.

portland. michigan. rhode island. f it all i'm moving to europe. rhode island. michigan. portland?

with this pending AGR job things are all jumbled. all my day dreams of nude beaches and bike rides, bella, rose city and the west coast are on hold because i may be stuck in rhode island.

i am telling myself this job is worth it and logically it is. i am going to be retired, with a full pension from the army by 45ish. i'll be making a pretty fair living and hopefully set myself up with some land, etc already paid off and ready for me for when i'm done.

what i am feeling is completely different though. i don't want to stay in rhode island. i love it, i do, in a way, but i am ready to move on. i don't want to stay in the army. this job is safe and it is making me feel a bit like a coward for not trying to do what i want and be free of it all.

maybe it is because i've been there too many times before to go back to a place where i have to start over from the bottom. i have struggled and i have made it to this place and there is never a guarantee that if i walk away from it that i will be able to get back.

ugh.

army stuff, army stuff. so i am only an E-4 which is an enlisted ranking system. i am also known as a specialist. i am the medical section's NCO(non-commissioned officer) which is an E-6 position (staff sergeant). i cannot even begin to explain the difficulties of trying to perform all the duties and deal with higher ranking personnel like an E-6 as an E-4. my skills are sharpening and i think if/when i get promoted that i'll be a damn good NCO. i don't think at this point i'd ever go officer...

blarg.

aaaaaaaand i have my first ukulele lesson tomorrow. one of the civilian contractors with D Co. has his uke here and is going to give me lessons! i am so excited!!!!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

gym time. i hope this dust storm clears.

more pictures.

more messages.

more doodles.

i'm lazy...and watching dexter

the television shows have conquered my free time.
it's nice because i just zone out and the time passes and all of a sudden it's march! (when did that happen?!)
i rewatched all of true blood and am now caught up to season 4 i think.
i started over with dexter as well and although i am missing about 10 episodes of season 4, i have moved on to season 5 and i think there are 7 all together.
after that there's season 1 of game of thrones (super excited! i am going to read the first book in about two weeks when i'm sitting at the range.)
and i think a few seasons of the big bang theory after that.

i wasn't able to switch my leave dates so it looks like i may never be able to go to ECDX...ever...waahahahaha.
then i wasn't going to take leave at all and just collect the pay check.
then i started looking at all the pictures of Wub i have in the office and decided i needed to see my man. two weeks lounging around in michigan, pool side, getting a massage, drinking some beers and mushing my man.
that way i won't spend as much money and won't have to worry about visiting multiple places.
(you should just come visit me. we can go camping on my aunt bridget's land up north and even do some artsy fartsy things downtown.)
i am also planning on getting a tattoo from benjamin!!!

i fing LOVE dinosaurs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i'm getting that. probably on the inside of my left bicep. pretty excited...

that's it. running in morning, over two weeks not smoking, getting back on top of school work (tomorrow???)

oh, and that pesky little AGR job that might ruin all my plans and keep me in the military and in Rhode Island...wtf.

application was turned in. now it's a waiting game... ughhhhhhhh.

please write me love notes.

i miss you. <3