one, two, go.

two days left. this time has flown by...
this whole summer seemed to be a whirlwind of good times with great friends. maybe it's the leaving that makes it go by so fast. the no bummer summer ended far too quickly for me.

freighbors

now it's my turn and honestly it couldn't come soon enough.

i am so excited to get this chance to change. to be out of my environment, to gain the perspective you lose after being immersed in your life for so long. so many big things are happening and will be happening. this next year is full of hope!

GOALS that WILL be accomplished:

1. no drinking. no smoking. eating right.
2. work out to the point of being a derby monster when i come back.  (hellooooo apolo ohno workout routine.)
3. get an edumacation! i'm already registered for online courses and am super duper excited to start using my brain again.
4. READ! WRITE! DRAW! i am going to be so selfish with my time. i like to have fun as much as the next guy, no doubt there, but i miss having filled sketch books and story times.
5. learn to play the ukulele. it's already on it's way over to kuwait. i think my lack dexterity is going to be the major issue.
6. go to Thailand on my two week leave. i want to see the world and i'm going to start making that happen.

a lot is going to change while i am gone. i am going to change while i am gone. the changing won't stop once i'm back either...
picking up and starting over is getting harder and harder. it is getting to the point where i am going to want to have somewhere i can always go back to. of course one of those places is Michigan but i want a place to call my very own and i honestly don't think that place is going to be Rhode Island.

...i still have to pack my duffel bags for tomorrow.

one last thing because it is so important. remember the relief that you feel right now. this is better than anytime that was.

halloween

it's halloween.
there have been an assortment of events that have led me to this point. an evening alone, with nothing but my thoughts and wub. sifting through paper and stories and drawings. stealing inspiration. trying to remember how i used to let it all out. reading words written by other people but so familar they might as well be mine.

i picked the wrong distraction. detoured from my path of self discovery, again. i used to draw. i used to write. i used to put it all down so that i could remember. there's so much to it all that it is too easy to forget. memories fade and i wonder about the person i used to be. how was i so confident? why have i not figured out that keeping it all walled in doesn't make anything hurt any less?

too long i have let shame rule me.

rediscover a version of me that knew how to create and update her. change changer, change. find a balance. so jaded but never letting go of the innocence, the wonder.
let go instead of the bitterness, the doubt and anger.

and for the love of everything sacred in the world, never, ever stop hoping. hope for more. hope for your dreams. hope with all of your heart because it's all you have.

looking forward to the future. i am excited to get there. the possibilities are increasing with every change that is still unfolding. knock it all down again to build it back up. change changer, change.
surround myself with people that will love and support me and who will let me love and support them. stop wasting time with takers. explore. create. love. learn. god i can't wait...it's happening and i am so happy that this version of me will be dead by 28.

it's mutha fcking doodle time.
happy halloween.